When i go to Miami, I am around a lot of people who don’t have the same aesthetic values as I do. I am uncomfortable, instantly…as soon as I step off the plane. Uncomfortable in my own skin, uncomfortable with the temperature, and uncomfortable with everything around me. It’s like as soon as I get to Miami, I gain ten pound of fat and look in the mirror and hate everything I am. This has happened to me since I was a little girl and it’s a hard one to get over. It could be why I can’t stand Miami. It’s different there and I begin to see myself the same way that I think that everyone around me sees me. Whether or not it is an accurate portrayal, who knows…well I do know…but that is besides the point. From my grandmother telling me not to lift anymore because my muscles are big, to walking around in the heat with my thighs rubbing together (It’s ridiculously hot there all year round and I hate the heat). This has once again happened to me my entire life. My grandmother asks to look at me every time I see her…as if I was a model trying on clothes for a clothes designer (get the picture)…more commonly than not I get a “Mamita, you look great have you lost weight?” and the answer is usually yes, however, there is always that ‘are you still working out’ comment that sneaks in. (This is what I really want to say…I have muscles…get over it…they are awesome and I can do lots of fun things with them…I have been built like this my entire life and I’ve come to grips with the fact that I am an athlete. You should too) I am uncomfortable in most of the situations I am put in and it becomes an inner battle that I fight with myself every time I go there. The power my mind has over my body is unreal. The only place I am comfortable in Miami is in the crossfit gym and I am lucky to have a few friends who run a great facility who let me hang out. Check it out if you are ever down there (CrossFit Gables) Anyways, I go from unbelievably confident, strong, and happy with who I am to questioning myself and someone who I don’t recognize. It’s absurd and I know it, but it still happens. I hope that one day I won’t let this happen to me, but for now, it does.
The dark side of my mind takes over. It happens to the best of us and we can’t always control it. What we can do is do our best to get ourselves out of that situation. To ride it out and know that in the end, we can go back to being ourselves. I’d like to say it’s easy to stop thinking a certain way or to believe yourself when you know whats right…it’s not. We all have our demons and those little devils sitting on our shoulders whispering a whole bunch of SHIT into our ears. At some point we have to stop listening.
The same power of mind comes into play when I step up to the barbell. For the most part when I know I’m getting close to a max I stop counting and just add incrementally. Knowing the weight allows that little demon that sits on my shoulder to start whispering, “You aren’t strong enough, there is no way that you can get that weight overhead…you are weak and you will hurt yourself. You aren’t good enough to make that lift.” Every made lift makes that little demon shrink. Every time I step up to the bar confidently and do my best, he shrinks even further. It can be, like many things, a choice. However, it takes time. confidence doesn’t build over night and I think that without those bad days, it would be really difficult to have the really great ones. If you don’t step up to the bar and tell yourself that you are going to make the lift, I can guarantee that you will miss it and that stupid little demon will grow bigger and bigger.
I write this for those of you doing the nutrition challenge. The next 9 weeks are going to be tough and for a lot of the time, you will have a little demon sitting on your shoulder telling you things that you don’t want to hear…trying to convince you that you are a failure and that you can’t do it…I’m here to tell you that you can. Every good decision you make and every hard workout pays off in the end. The little demon shrinks, you get stronger and leaner, and your performance increases. It is worth it, I promise. Have faith in your coaches and most importantly, yourself. You CAN do it.
As for me, I weighed myself and did my body fat. I won’t put you through the pain of knowing how much I weigh, but my body fat is at 16%. Which is pretty awesome and I’m quite happy with that. We’ll see what the next 9 weeks bring…