Tag Archives: crossfit open

Facing my Fears

I am competitive, I am an extremist, I am passionate, and I am motivated. These are things I have been for my entire life and character traits that my parents talk about me having as a baby. These are the things that drive me to do what I do. They make me stubborn and impatient, but they make me love life and they make me really really good at the things that I choose to do.
Crossfit has been a major part of my life for the past 3.5 years. I’ve played every sport I could (with the exception of those I wasn’t good at) and I’ve never come across a sport quite like it. I’ve also been through all the stages of Crossfit. I no longer try to stuff it down people’s throats…I could care less who does or doesn’t do it and I could care less when women say they don’t want to get bulky from it. (sort of)
I know what it does for people…not just physically. I’ve seen firsthand the confidence built through the completion of someones first pull up or the first time they dead lift over their body weight, over 200 lbs, or even over 300. I’ve seen the excitement in someones eyes the first time they get a muscle up, and the confidence built the first time they do something they never thought they could do before. And I’ve experienced it myself. Over and over and over again. The first time I got a muscle up, the first time I could clean my body weight, and the first time I was able to walk on my hands down the length of the gym. Things I never imagined I would do. With a gain in physical strength, came a tenfold gain in mental fortitude and confidence. The ability to get through your most difficult workout, while in pain or while you want to cry, either makes everything else in life seem easy, or gives you the determination to get through difficult times. I’ve never seen anything build confidence and mental strength the way that I have seen crossfit do it. So…for the past 3.5 years, I’ve been in love with crossfit.
That all changed when I moved to Denver.
It happened somewhat gradually but way faster than I remember it. I no longer had my gym, my support system, and my friends who pushed me to be the best that I could be…and I was thrown into a completely different environment in my personal and social life than I had experienced in a while. I started an unbelievably intensive graduate program that kept me in the studio standing or sitting at a table, often for 10+ hours a day. My body was hurting, my heart was hurting, and my head was hurting, literally. I created a basement gym so that I could do CrossFit whenever I had time. The first few weeks of school I ceased to workout at all. I had no motivation, no drive, and certainly no energy. I had never really experienced this before. My entire life, working out had been an outlet and had been something that made me feel better. The last thing I wanted to do was workout at night when I got out of school. I stopped caring. I stopped wanting to do crossfit even though I’d force myself. Like I said before, I’m an extremist. I have two speeds. go and stop. so instead of crossfitting full time, all the time, I stopped. I mean after the first few weeks of school I got my shit together and worked out. but my workouts consisted of 40 minutes on the treadmill or c2 with high reps at low weights of lifts every 5 minutes or set distance.
I’d do crossfit when I’d go back to colorado springs but it wasn’t a priority and it didn’t feel the same. I had stopped caring about my performance (to a certain extent) and I had honestly stopped caring a lot about myself. I told myself that I was putting school first, that it was okay because I needed to change my priorities and that I couldn’t always be a competitive crossfitter. I still don’t know if I was lying to myself or if these things are true. But I know that I stopped caring about something that has been unbelievably influential in my life for the past 3 years. (this is not abnormal for me…this happens a lot because I go through stages so I took it with a  grain of salt.)
But I got more and more depressed. I liked school, but not the way that I had loved crossfit. I function with high levels of passion day to day…without which I don’t see the point of doing something. I wasn’t passionate about school the way that I was about crossfit. The idea of choosing something to do for the rest of my life is revolting. I can’t imagine it and it makes me want to either crawl into a hole and die or run for my life into the mountains.
I ignored a lot of these emotions and at the beginning of winter break I had begun to enjoy my life in Denver… going out with friends and working my ass off at school. I was good at it. I was nominated for an award.
I made the decision not to compete this year because I felt like I would be putting too much pressure on myself because I wasn’t able to train. I had stopped taking care of myself. I was skipping meals because the time flies by in the studio and I had dropped around 10 lbs…probably of muscle. In a vain sort of way, I liked it. My abs looked good but I wasn’t beating everyone at every workout and I sure as hell didn’t feel good. Shockingly, I didn’t care. This was the most upsetting thing to me. I stopped caring. I was becoming apathetic- An emotion that I despise more than anything else really.

I have been trying to pick apart why I made the decision not to compete in the first place and what exactly changed my mind. I’m petrified of failure. always have been. I’m afraid of losing, of stepping up to the bar and trying my hardest and that not being good enough. I’m afraid that I am not actually trying my best…that there’s always one more rep in me, always something I could have done better… Admitting this feels horrible. I am supposed to be inspirational and ‘coachy’ but I guess we all have our weaknesses. Those who know me well probably already know this. I’m lucky that there are a lot of things that come naturally, especially fitness related. If I’m not good, chances are I  don’t do it. Simple. It’s made for some really great times and a lot of ‘wins’ but it’s also kept me from doing things because I’m afraid that I will fail.
I’m working on this. I’d like to get out of my comfort zone a little more and maybe that is why I love Crossfit so much…while I am naturally pretty adept at moving heavy loads…theres always something to improve upon, always something that I am not good at. By competing again, I’ll be forced to face that. While I’ve been unbelievably competitive my entire life, I’m no longer competing with anyone else, I’m competing with myself. When I step up to the bar, my heart pounding, and my body shaking, there is no one else in the world. It is me and the workout. And that workout is as honest as anything gets. It will divulge my weaknesses, it will showcase my strengths, and it won’t let me bullshit or lie or cheat. If I don’t respect it, I’ll end up flat on my back by the end. But if I do, and if I give it my all, well now… the possibilities are endless.

After a rough first semester emotionally and some loss of fitness, I signed up and couldn’t be happier with my decision. I’d like to qualify for regionals again and I’d like to help my gym qualify a team. But If I don’t, that’s life. It doesn’t make me any better of a person and it doesn’t mean that I’ve failed…something I’m slowly starting to realize.



A Torn Meniscus and Recap of Week 3

So I tore my meniscus. It’s not my mcl. Which is good, sort of. MCL’s can take forever to heal while my meniscus will have a short surgery and I’ll be better a few weeks later (Theoretically)
Anyways- I did 12.3. I wasn’t sure if I was going to because my knee is pretty screwed up, but my team needed me so I did it. And evidently I couldn’t hurt my knee anymore, it’s just about whether or not I can stand the pain. Which of course I can- That’s a given. So I did it and did okay. I couldn’t bounce on the box jumps so it was really slow and painful. But I did it and it will help my team and I’ll just ice the s**t out of my knee. I got 9 rounds plus 9 box jumps. I’m okay with it, obviously not happy, but I couldn’t jump very well and it is what it is. This entire season is teaching me how to deal with being disappointed in myself and getting over my ego. I’ll hopefully come out of it having learned a lot.

So I know I’ve talked about it before but I’m going to talk about it again…
I’m fucking sick of and disheartened by the fact that I have heard so much about cheating this year in the Open. (Multiple occasions and multiple sources) I think last year I had this idea that everyone was doing it for some benevolent reason or that it was crossfit and how could someone possibly cheat. I don’t really know why I thought this because I have one of the most pessimistic views of the human race that one could possible have. (I think everyone acts purely out of self-interest. Maybe this comes from studying politics for too long. I’m not sure) But this year, reality has set in and I’m disappointed by the human race again…even crossfitters. I’m quite astounded by the lack of standards upheld by individuals, gym owners, and athletes as a whole. And I’m disgusted by cheating, in their obvious forms…literally changing the amount of reps one got from low 60’s to high 70’s for example. In the end, it is what it is. If someone cheats their way to regionals they will get their s**t pushed in when things get heavy and real and you have a judge who is certified and knows what the hell they are doing. I will love every second of watching people who don’t deserve to be there, fail. I may be an asshole but I admit it, and I sure as hell wouldn’t put in a false score just to be higher on the leaderboard. Those people deserve to suffer and be embarrassed in front of a large audience.

Whatever- I have high expectations and high standards.
I have, for my entire life, held myself and everyone around me to incredibly high standards. It is a fault and often times causes problems with people who I love in one way or another. (Don’t worry, I hold myself to the same standards as I hold others…so maybe it is fair.)
Cherie Chan in her “Why CrossFit ruined my life” said it well, “Because of CrossFit, I believe all people are capable of amazing physical feats, when they don’t produce, I take it personally and have no tolerance for laziness.” I take everything personally. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. And when those around me don’t give 100%, I find it insulting. Even when it has nothing to do with me. I also expect everyone around me to do amazing things, all the time. So to sum it all up- I am easily insulted, I take everything personally, and I have extremely high expectations of everyone around me. Man, I suck.

On a positive note- Shaina decided to drive from Portland and visit this weekend. AND it was Chris’s birthday. So even though I couldn’t walk for the majority of the weekend, I loved seeing Shaina and celebrating the weekend with Chris. I bought him a gluten free carrot cake. It’s almost gone and I don’t even like cake. But its pretty delicious.


We are our biggest critics. Its quite amazing really. Logically, we should be our biggest fans- but we aren’t. This week was the first wod of the crossfit games open. My week didn’t go so well. I could blame it … Continue reading

Pulling One’s Head Out Of One’s Ass

So since i injured myself a few weeks ago, i haven’t been the same. I’ve had no energy, no motivation, my performance is down, and I constantly feel like shit. When you’re physically out for the count, you mentally suffer. At least in my experience. the two are intrinsically linked. It’s been hard to deal with this especially so close to a competition. The mental side of this experience is what i am struggling with because I want to be performing well and I want to keep my head up…but it hasn’t been working. It’s a horrible f*ing cycle. So i’ve been trying to buck up.
It is always more mental than it is physical and I am getting back into a routine so that I can do so. I’ve looked at all aspects of my life to try and systematically figure out what the hell is wrong with me…nutrition hasn’t changed in the past few weeks, workout volume has decreased because of my wrist and knee, and no life changes have occurred that should put me in this rut. SO what the hell is it then? And how do I get out of it. As athletes, this is going to happen to us. We are going to have our days or our weeks for whatever reason and we need to be able to get past them mentally and come out the other side on top. Anything you can do to fix whatever is wrong is good in my books. Take a few days off, go for a hike, hell, eat some cake…It doesn’t matter. Just do it.

I’m dialing in my meal plan this week. (even though I thought it was well dialed in) There will be no more cheat days (even though I really never had many cheat days anyways) on the weekends during the open except for some berries when I need the extra boost, I’ll be taking ice baths on my rest days and after the open wods, and spending hours on mobility (nothing new here either), I’ll continue to nurse my injuries and ice often, and go all out on the open wods. My goal is to do better than I did last year (12th at regionals) and If we decide to go team, well we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it as my mom always said.
I’m hoping this is all just a fluke. It’s happened before and I always expect it to happen again. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow when I pull my head out of my ass.

This is the quote I read every time before I workout- it’s my favorite and always gets me ready to go.

For any of you who bought our wodbooks or are planning on it- I’ve had it put on the back of the books. Everyone should find what works for you and gets you ready to go- what motivates you, and what inspires you and then use that as fuel to stoke your fire.

The CrossFit Open 2012

So Wednesday night at approximately 6pm, the CrossFit Open will commence. For everyone reading this from PFCF, if you haven’t signed up. DO IT NOW. CLICK HERE. This is a chance for you to get some experience in a pseudo competition setting. You will also be helping out our team by adding to the number of people competing. The ‘Open’ is meant to be all inclusive and everyone is able to compete. Don’t believe me? Click HERE
All of the athletes have been working their butts off at the gym to compete. It will be 1 workout a day for 5 weeks. (For all of you one the edge of whether or not you want to compete- you will be doing the wods anyways, so you may as well sign up. There is no age limit. There are actually age groups. AND it doesn’t matter how long or how advanced you are.) At the end, the top 60 men and 60 women from each region, along with teams, will go on to regionals which will (I think) be held in Castle Rock this year. Last year was an unbelievable experience. I will include some shots of regionals. One of the most challenging competitions I have ever done but also one of the most rewarding. Just being a part of the action is fun and the crossfit community that we have in Colorado and our region in general is unbelievable.

So anyways, I think everyone should sign up. It is a great experience and tons of fun.